Tonight, I meditated on forgiveness. Of course, I turned to my girl Tara to help me through this meditation and I wasn’t disappointed.
A short meditation, but I admit the most powerful one that I have done to date. Forgiveness, I would venture, is not something that comes easily to us. As Tara says, it’s a life process.
At one point, she urges me to stay connected and sense my vulnerability. She beckons me to take my hand and place it gently on my heart.
My hand felt odd there–out of place, heavy, clumsy, uncomfortable, and well…vulnerable.
Do it now, take your hand and place it on your heart. Unnatural, isn’t it? But at the same time, incredibly grounding. It’s a physical acknowledgment that you are here right now in this moment.
As I try and make mindfulness a part of my life, I often find myself getting stuck on the “practice.” I don’t do it everyday; I don’t always remember to make the choice in the contrast; and sometimes my meditations irritate me more than they center me.
So tonight, I am choosing to forgive myself for all of the above. And place my hand on my heart and remind myself that I am here in the now–and THAT is pretty damn mindful.
The first 60 seconds after meditation can only be described as utter bliss. It’s a glimpse of what it’s like to feel as if you’re exactly in the place you’re supposed to be right now in this moment. As if nothing else could ever be desired or needed. Bliss.
I returned to Tara tonight. I’ve been dabbling / cheating on her with a number of different meditation apps (aforementioned here and here). But, the meditation I chose tonight “coming home to presence” seemed fitting.
There’s a key moment in this meditation. Tara guides me, navigates me, brings me back as my mind wanders and meanders aimlessly through an infinite number of “what’s behind door number 453?”
And suddenly, she says, “…sensing with the breath that you can mentally whisper ‘here.'”
THAT’S the magical “here” that happens in the first 60 seconds after your eyes slowly flutter open, breath even, hands open to receive the world. A perfect moment in the present.
It’s enough to get me hooked. Maybe those 60 seconds will grow longer.
Tara, you cheeky girl, I was a fool to ever leave you.
Tonight’s meditation felt like army crawling through waist-deep, wet, thick-as-hell mud.
So, here are some trufs (far more real than just average truths).
The moment I get too stressed or overwhelmed, meditation is the first thing I stop doing (ironic, I know).
I am not an optimist.
“Light rain” is the BEST thing to meditate to.
I have another meditation app called “head space.” It’s led by a British man. I can’t concentrate on the actual meditation because I keep fantasizing about this British man. (Sorry, Dan.)
I feel the most calm and centered when I’m giving myself a mani/pedi.
The way you’re feeling in this moment is temporary.
Make the choice in the contrast.
Tomorrow, I conquer you mud.