Author: mountainofmindfulness

I am not one of those people who can just “let things go” very easily. I love resolution, I prefer confrontation if it is a means to an end, and I have to talk things out ad nauseam to process, re-process, and for good measure, just make sure I processed it all the way through one more time. Doing this, of course, whilst singing an off-tune version of Frozen’s “Let it Go” just for emphasis.

Continue reading “Honor the Process of Processing” →

Practice: often defined as doing one activity or another with some semblance of frequency and consistency in an attempt to improve said practice. 

“Practice makes perfect.”

In any mindfulness class–whether it be meditation, or yoga, or any variation thereof your attendance will often be called “your practice.” One of the most fundamental and foundational principles of yoga is accepting that you come to the mat with an understanding that there is always something to learn and improve on in your practice. Therefore, never really reaching a state of “perfection.”

But, there’s the rub:

When you first start writing your name, you practice and practice so you learn your letters and and the right curvature of each one.

When you play a sport, you practice diligently, consistently, frequently in an attempt to perfect (or at the very least significantly improve it).

Most of our lives, we have been told that if we just keep at it that our practice will pay off and we will–in a sense–get to the point of perfecting the craft, the art, the sport, etc.

I have been practicing a headstand now for the better part of a year. 

I still can’t do it.

I have broken several things attempting to do the damn thing.  And, it’s driving me insane. There are probably hundreds of gifs that could be made of flailing and yelping as I tumble back to gravity as quickly as I get to that final toe off the ground.

“You’re so close!” my yoga teacher tells me…every single week.

I have struggled with the concept that I may never actually be able to do this and that I must continue to practice with an acceptance of possibly never getting there, and that acceptance doesn’t mean I’m giving up.

Hell, I knew I was never going to be good at math and I accepted that real quick and haven’t looked back since!

Perhaps practice could take on the new meaning that practice is well…just that. Practice, is something you do with intentionality and at the end of it, know that you did your best and your body saved you the perfection you think needed to achieve.

Alright, headstand you win, but I’ll always win when it comes to corpse pose. 

 

For those of you that know me, you’ll think of me as an extrovert. For those of you that really know me you’ll know I’m an extrovert with extreme introvert tendencies. And, for those of you that don’t know me…well now you do.

Recently, I was villainized (I know, not a word, but just roll with it) pretty seriously in the work environment. So terribly, in fact, I felt as if single-handedly my hard work, dedication, and character integrity were being called into question. As you can imagine, this felt professionally and personally quite devastating.

After the initial shock wore off, I found myself taking the particularly passive route. I didn’t confront the situation, I didn’t take any kind of action verbally — I kept quiet and kept at it. But, the thing is, the accusations that were handed to me were so serious, so manipulative, and so hurtful that I continued to stew.

Stewing is another super ineffective way to deal with an unpleasant situation. It involved silently seething day after day about something that was wrong and unjust but I never actually did anything about it. Sometimes it felt like the safer option, not to rock the boat, or revisit something that’s technically “already happened.”

But, why wouldn’t I? If I felt so strongly that an injustice had been done to my character, why in all the universe, wouldn’t I stand up for myself? 

I’ve always prided myself on someone who calls people out on their shit. But, what I realized (slowly at and the ripe age of 31) is that I don’t nearly call enough people out when that “shit” involves me. 

It’s easy to opt for the “easier” option, the one that doesn’t make waves, to keep your head down and just keep going. There are always a number of ways to cope with a challenge or something that feels unjust. Whether it’s aggression; passive aggression; aggressive passiveness; just straight passivity; or any combination thereof.

But here’s the thing–people will treat you exactly the way you allow them to. Caveat: some people are just bigger assholes than others but there’s no doubt that you absolutely have a say in any narrative that includes you as a main character.

It is important that we are mindful of what we are allowing others to say about us.

It is important that we are mindful of whether or not the situation is asking us for increased self-awareness or for us to stand up for our self. 

It is important that we are mindful that betrayal should not be tolerated.

So be your most authentic self, lead with kindness, and most importantly lead with kindness for yourself. After all, she’s all you got.

I’m just going to leave this right here…

SOLACE

is the art of asking the beautiful question, of ourselves, of our world or one another, in fiercely difficult and un-beautiful moments. Solace is what we must look for when the mind cannot bear the pain, the loss or the suffering that eventually touches every life and every endeavor; when longing does not come to fruition in a form we can recognize, when people we know and love disappear, when hope must take a different form than the one we have shaped for it.

Solace is the beautiful, imaginative home we make where disappointment can go to be rehabilitated. When life does not in any way add up, we must turn to the part of us that has never wanted a life of simple calculation. Solace is found in allowing the body’s innate wisdom to come to the fore, the part of us that already knows it is mortal and must take its leave like everything else, and leading us, when the mind cannot bear what it is seeing or hearing, to the bird-song in the tree above our heads, even as we are being told of a death, each note an essence of morning and of mourning; of the current of a life moving on, but somehow, also, and most beautifully, carrying, bearing, and even celebrating the life we have just lost.

Solace is not an evasion nor a cure for our suffering, nor a made up state of mind. Solace is a direct seeing and participation; a celebration of the beautiful coming and going; appearance and disappearance of which we have always been a part.

– Consolations, David Whyte

‘Nuff said.

If any of you have been following this blog for any amount of time, you’ll know that Tara Brach is my inspiration and my meditation guru (in an unofficial capacity). If it weren’t for her, I wouldn’t have this blog, I wouldn’t be training to become a meditation teacher, and my life would be significantly less mindful.

Beyond having some of the most peaceful guided meditations, my girl also does some amazing talks that help us really think about our actions and our thought processes. One of her recent ones, titled “The Realm of Hungry Ghosts” really resonated with me.

The realm of hungry ghosts sounds ethereal and abstract. But, what Tara explains and unpacks is the age-old concept that desire is the root of all suffering. In fact, desire is not the root of all suffering, it’s tied to existence and being. It’s as Tara says, getting caught in the desire is the real root of suffering.

As human beings we have attachments, addictions, and cycles that feed off themselves that eventually don’t allow us to feel for one moment that we’re exactly who we are supposed to be right now. Whether we realize it or not, we are constantly seeking out approval. Whether it be from our parents, from our bosses, from our friends, from our significant others, etc. The need to be continually satisfied, statements of “it’s not enough, I’m not enough, it’s not good enough” are frequently visited even if they’re not articulated as neatly as in those phrases.

But how liberating would it be to free ourselves of the desire to always be more than what we are right now? Or where we are right now? How freeing would it be to believe that we are exactly at the place we’re meant to be in this moment in time. How peaceful and calming would it be if we could instead of following our thoughts of “not-good-enough-ness” that we pay more attention to the space in between those thoughts. Somehow finding a way to acknowledge them and let them go in one beautiful fluid motion.

What if we stopped feeding our hungry ghosts, our dysfunctional attachments, our addictions, our need for constant reassurance, our negative self-talk?

Perhaps, those ghosts, could start to starve.