Mind racing. Skin crawling. I have something bubbling, churning, brewing inside me. I don’t know what or where it even came from – I can only say that it is present. So very present physically and mentally.
I pet my sweet pup, knowing it’s supposed to aid in relaxation. It doesn’t. But, it does fill my heart with love, she always knows when I need her extra close. I tell my husband how I’m feeling. He asks me what I need from him, what I am feeling, and how I would describe it, and what he can do to help.
I’ve been on anti-anxiety medication now for a couple years.Reticent at first, like any good anxious person about whether or not this was going to have more negative side effects than positive ones and traumatized from a brief stint with a very wrong anti-anxiety medication years ago (note: you literally have no idea which one is going to make you crazier or crazy…less). Not to mention the societal and social stigmas that come along with being a person who is “medicated for their mental illness.”
It strikes, unexpectedly but much like a bolt of lightning. More often than not, I am the type of insomniac that falls asleep shortly after reading a chapter or two in my latest literary endeavor. And, suddenly, at 2 or 3 or 4 am, I am AWAKE.
Apartmenttherapy.com is a go to favorite for me and my bestie. Not only does it provide thousands of interior decorating inspirational photographs–but, before you know it, hours have gone by as you’ve gone down a rabbit hole of master makeover stories. It’s an incredibly good use of anyone’s time.